Moving in together

[Tricia]

Thanks for being here, doctor. :-)

My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together. I'd be bringing two 7-year-old healthy cats, and he'll bring a 4-year-old healthy one. We both get along with the other's cats, which is great! We've read articles and followed advice so my shy cat would find it easier to get accustomed to my boyfriend.

Our biggest concern is how the cats would react to each other. We've read about introducing cats to each other and will follow those steps, but I'm terrified that it may not work...

Do you know how often those techniques work vs fail?

What do we do if my fear-prone boy won't stop hissing at (or even fighting with) my boyfriend's cat, or vice versa? They're young and will hopefully live at least 10 more years!

(When I've fostered rescued kittens in my bathroom, my cats still hissed at them when they saw them, even after days of smelling them through the door.)

I don't want my shy boy to be anxiety-ridden or starting fights for the rest of his life... My boyfriend and I are moving toward marriage. :-)

[Dr. Stephanie LaFarge]

Congratulation on working so hard to prepare your cats for this transition. You can always get more professional advice from the ASPCA behaviorists regarding specific techniqeus to use with the cats. I am more qualified to address the issue with your boyfriend. Since you both want the cats to be comfortable but you can't control their reactions completely, I encourage you to be very honest with each about the stress this issue may but on your relationship. There will be a tendency to blame each other and to worry how the other person is feeling when you see the cat's distress. Try not to let the cat's adjustment issues become a focus of your relationship. Make sure you pay attention to each other separate from what the cats are requiring. As you know from fostering, nature has prepared animals to work things out.