My Mom says I am trying to fill a void.....

[Lynda]

Hi Dr. Farge! I have to ask this question that has been lingering in the back of my mind and I think I could finally let it go if I hear the answer from you. I am a happily married, 38-year-old woman who has always loved animals since I was very little, always saving them, etc. While other girls were dreaming of weddings and babies, I dreamed of having a farm when I grew up. I have been with my husband for 21 years now and we made the decision to not have children, although we reside in our home with ten mostly rescued dogs of all ages, breeds, sizes and colors. They are like our children and are very well cared for and loved and are a big part of our lives. I realize having ten dogs seems extreme, but I cant imagine my life without them. My mom thinks I am trying to fill some kind of void and, although I wholeheartedly disagree, her comment still irks me and I would like to finally put it to rest. Thank you very much for spending this time with us, too! Sincerely, Lynda

[Dr. Stephanie LaFarge]

Lynda, I and many other people can relate to the choices you have made in your life. You are to be congratulated for finding a partner who shares your values and life style. Unfortunately, with any choice we make there is usually a linger doubt about the consequences. It is normal to ask yourself : what would my life have been like if I had children AND dogs. If your mother's concern is with the number of dogs you have, you can reassure her that the only way to judge the right number of animals for a household is the ability of that household to take care of the animals. You are obviously doing a wonderful job at that. It is possible that your mother comment ,which she may have meant to be 'helpful' but was quite hurtful, stems from something she is missing as a result of your behavior. For example, a grandchild from you. This does not have to be discussed with her. You just need to remind yourself that you are the best judge of your motivation. Every time you look at your dogs, I am sure you are comforted.